Friday Fiction: some sexy fruit and vegetable poems

Let's do something slightly different for this Friday Fiction.

Here's a triptych of three unrelated poems, about Oranges, rabbit sex and the love of two potatoes.

The Orange

Of all the fruits I like the best

Nothing beats the citrus zest

Of an orange, dimpled skin,

With sunny pulp gorged within.

Moist flesh clad in white pith robe,

Wondrous summer-bringing globe!

As I pull the peel loose

A little spritz of orange juice

Stains the air, the oil lingers

Bitter, sticky on my fingers.

The cobweb pith is pulled in strips

And heaped in piles with peel and pips

And so to the jellied flesh inside

A glistening jewel to divide.

The thigh-plump segments, gently parted

Expose the core of this zesty hearted

Orange. 

Yeah, it ends a bit abruptly. 

__________

And now for some utter nonsense (as if you expect anything else), about the Japanese folk tradition that  rabbits live on the moon, producing mochi with mallets and mortars.

Moon bunnies The lunar population

Had exceeded all bounds

Due to bunny copulation

And the absence of hounds.

Through the lands they inhabit

O’er the moon, milky pale

There was nothing for a rabbit

To do, but chase tail.

In the sea of tranquility

There lived quite a throng

Thanks to their canny ability

To mate all day long.

Then a rabbit declared

Something had to be done

And if nobody cared

Then they’d be overrun.

They needed distraction

From affairs of the hutch

For it was down to inaction

That they mated so much.

They began excavation

And opened a mine

It was a pointless occupation

But it helped pass the time

But then they uncovered

Soft nuggets of rice.

So sticky, they discovered,

Though they tasted quite nice.

They started a factory

Took to trading with man

They built quite an industry

(they’re big in Japan).

Now they dispatch through the universe

From their new-built space wharf

They’re quite taken with commerce

The lunar lagomorph.

And finally, we have this (anyone who has known me for a while probably knows this poem already, I used to perform it at university quite a bit):

Courtship Song of Two Potatoes Which is Brought to an Abrupt End,

                                                                       (Or: How To Cook Mash)

He sings:      My darling potato

                   Oh, how I love you so,

                   Your shape is roundish and simple

                   But drives me wild at each mud-filled dimple

                   Your body

                   Is irresistible to me

                   And your clammy complexion

                   Makes me wild for your affection

                   I watch as they peel your skin

                   And uncover the potato within

                   Your virginal browns are stripped

                   So you’re clean and ready to be chipped

                   Leaving your naked, starchy body

                   Hard and white.

                   I am so excited.

                   And I am right behind you

                   In the potato queue.

                   This is the ultimate and I can’t wait

                   A love only death can sate

She sings:    Your tap root is so thick and strong

                   You smell of the earth where we belong

                   Smell of the familiar musty loam

                   That in our innocence we called home

                   And from that tap root I grew and grew

                   Every day loving you.

                   I owe you so much, I can not wait

                   To give to you my carbohydrates.

                   I watch as you too are made ready

                   I can feel your thick, sweet starch spilling over me.

                   Both in the water our juices can mingle

                   I feel myself begin to tingle

                   In joyous anticipation

                   At this, our fearful consummation.

                   My thoughts are scattered, my body’s reeling

                   This potato love’s so strange a feeling!

                   I only hope we don’t get burned.

He sings:      We go to a place from which none have returned.

                   But at least we’ll go together

                   Soon it will be over and we’ll be one forever.

                   But my sweet! It has almost ended,

                   The water has gone and we’re ready to be blended.

                   A burning, a mixing, a release of the soul

                   So that we are mashed into a glorious, buttery whole.

She sings:     I can see it coming, there’s not long now!

He sings:      My darling!

She sings:                       Yes?

He sings:                                I love…

Together                                            OW!